24th November
Welcome
Welcome to my blog!
It’s a very lazy night here in Hon-Atsugi （本厚木）; outside is too cold even for the crickets that used to keep me company during too many lonely nights, their songs replaced by the hypnotic drone of my air-con. Freezing point outside, thirty degrees inside and a vague scent of fried chicken with mayonnaise. I’ve already taken my 7 o’clock emergency power nap… feels like uni all over again. You know the feeling.
So, here I am, looking for something to do… there are only two options left that do not require my long depleted brainpower: laundry or blog. For those who know me, it shouldn’t be too surprising that I chose the latter. Laundry is my nemesis. It’s not the act itself that irritates me, which requires little effort, it’s the fact that it’s a task that you cannot complete in one step. Not only that, but you can’t even decide when to do the next step. I mean, I will put my stuff in the washing machine, press the button and go to sleep. Tomorrow morning I will HAVE to take it out and put it in the dryer. Tomorrow evening as soon as I get back from work I will HAVE to take it out of the dryer, iron the shirts, fold everything else, and put my clothes back in the wardrobe. Total time required: approximately nineteen hours. Such a trivial task shouldn’t take so long. It’s unfair. And what if I miss one step? My stuff will end up stinking of wet dog. And I will have to repeat the whole process again. Not to mention those bloody bastards that stay locked up in their stinky rooms playing with Bishojo games with rotten food, dirty pants and (urgh!) used tissues all over the place just to realise at 4 a.m. that it’s maybe time to wash up their only t-shirt after two weeks of continual use… operation which of course requires them to dump all my clean, pristine clothes on the floor or on the sink, where they will stay for the whole night. But they will pay. Wankers. Literally.
Enough of this, I think I already managed to scare half of you away and to bore half of you to death. So, here’s for the remaining half:
Why are you here? Most probably you know either me or someone that knows me. If so, make yourself at home and drop me a line. There should be some coke in the fridge. If you found this website because you will move to Atsugi, I will try to post as much stuff as possible about life, the universe and everything here in Kanagawa. If you found me because of my everincreasing popularity, certainly due to the wittiness of this blog or to my sheer good looks, please note that I accept international checks, money transfers via paypal and pictures of yourself or of your pretty friends/sisters/single cousins. If you are simply wondering how to live in Japan without throwing yourself in front of the Shinkansen taking as many japs down with you… I’m currently trying to figure it out as well.
Ok… that’s it from me… I do realise I managed to type nonsense for quite a while providing no useful information whatsoever… you’ll have to wait for the next post.
I do promise that I will try to update this thing on an almost-daily basis. Oh, by the way… there might be movie quotes and hidden messages in some of my posts… extra kudos if you find them… 
Disclaimer: Throughout the entirety of this blog I will use the expression jap in a non-derogatory way. It’s just much much easier to write jap instead of “a japanese person”. Don’t worry, I’m sure you will immediately realise when I’m being my usual sexist, racist self.
Visez